Jesus and boundaries
Loving Without Keeping Score… And With Wise Boundaries
In my last post, I shared how I used to love with a score card in my heart, giving generously while secretly hoping for the same love in return. I loved thinking if I love you like this, you will have to love me back the same. That kind of love left me exhausted and disappointed. Learning to love the way Jesus calls me to, freely, heavily, and without keeping score, has brought a deep peace I never expected.
But here’s what I’m discovering next on this journey: loving without score doesn’t mean loving without limits.
For a long time, I thought unconditional love meant saying yes to everything, showing up no matter what, and absorbing every hurt in silence. After all, Jesus said to love our enemies, do good to those who hate us, and be kind even to the ungrateful and wicked (Luke 6:27-28, 35-36). If He could do that, surely I meant to also, right?
Yet the more I’ve sit with Scripture, in ministry, ladies groups, church, in relationship with Christ and the examples of Jesus Himself, the more I see that His radical, scoreless love was never reckless or boundary-less. Jesus loved perfectly, and He protected that love with clear, intentional limits.
Think about it. Jesus often withdrew from the crowds to pray alone, even when people were desperate for His attention. He said “no” when demands pulled Him away from the Father’s will. He spoke truth directly, sometimes sharply, to those who were manipulative or unrepentant. He didn’t entrust Himself to everyone (John 2:24), and He chose His inner circle carefully. When the religious leaders twisted truth or exploited others, He flipped tables in the temple, setting a firm boundary in a holy space. Jesus modeled this balance perfectly. Even though He loved people deeply and poured Himself out in teaching, healing, and serving, He regularly stepped away from the crowds. The Gospels tell us that Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed (Luke 5:16). He rose before dawn to pray in solitude (Mark 1:35), spent entire nights in prayer on the mountainside, and invited His disciples to come away with Him to a quiet place and rest when the demands became overwhelming (Mark 6:31). These weren’t escapes, they were intentional times of refilling so He could continue loving others with strength and freedom, without resentment or burnout. His example shows us that pulling away to pray and rest isn’t selfish; it’s wise stewardship that allows scoreless love to keep flowing long-term.
Jesus embodied both extravagant love and wise boundaries. He could love the woman at the well deeply while calling out her past without condemnation. He could heal and forgive while telling people, “Go and sin no more.” His love wasn’t a doormat; it was a doorway to transformation.
This has been a hard but freeing lesson for me, especially where I’ve felt like the “black sheep” or an invisible at times. I still choose to love without keeping score, to celebrate milestones, offer encouragement, listen without judgment, and show up in quiet ways. But I’m also learning that love sometimes looks like protecting my heart and my capacity so I don’t burn out or enable patterns that harm everyone involved.
Boundaries aren’t the opposite of love; they’re often what make scoreless love sustainable. They say, “I will keep loving you with the love of Christ, but I won’t allow this relationship to destroy the peace God has given me or pull me away from what He’s called me to.” They create space for truth-telling, for rest, for saying a gentle but firm “no” when needed. They keep resentment from creeping in.
The Bible doesn’t paint boundaries as selfish. They’re an act of stewardship, of the heart, time, and energy God has entrusted to us. They reflect self-control, wisdom, and even love for the other person, because endless enabling isn’t kindness. As one perspective puts it, boundaries can be about what’s truly loving for everyone involved.
Friends, if you’re pouring out love without score but finding yourself depleted, invisible, or repeatedly hurt, you’re not failing at Jesus’ command. You might simply be invited into a more mature expression of it, the kind that loves fiercely while guarding the well so the living water can keep flowing.
Jesus loved us first, extravagantly and without condition. He also modeled how to walk in that love without losing ourselves in the process. What if we followed Him there too? What if we loved hard, kept no score, and trusted Him enough to set the boundaries He leads us to?
Love given is love never lost. Especially, when it’s offered from a heart that’s anchored in Him, protected by wisdom, and free from the weight of trying to be everything to everyone.
Remember, Always face the Sonlight.
Rae Anne 🌻
